Back when I was a kid, Blogs were called 'imaginary friends' and were only slightly more pathetic.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Now Why Would I Go And-a Marry My Grand-ma?

If you're not watching MTV2's Wonder Showzen by now, shame on you. I'm not an easily offended person, but each and every week, this show somehow does the impossible by making me incredibly uncomfortable while laughing my goddamn ass off.

To review for the unenlightened, Showzen is done as a parody of a children's show with talking puppets and with only the bare minimum of adult actors. It's simply in-fuckin-credible what this show has been able to get away with. I have a theory that the creators are desperately trying to go out in a blaze of glory with this, their second season. They've already succeeded in getting regular MTV to delay replaying their new episodes by more than a week, just in case they need to do a litle 're-editing'.

Here's just some of the things they've done;

- Had a kid walk up to people at Ground Zero of the World Trade Center and ask them to tell their favorite joke while wearing comedy moustache and glasses.

- A puppet ask sleeping homeless guys, "What are you dreaming about?"

- A parody of Muppet Babies called 'Wonder Showzen Premies'

- A parody of He-Man about a jewish guy who turns big and black called 'He-Bro'

- A cartoon about all the unwanted chinese girl babies thrown into the ocean called 'Chinese Girl Baby Atlantis'

And finally, their crowning achievment, an entire episode devoted to how stupid middle America is. A puppet shaped like all the states that voted republican in the last election comes to the show and winds up cutting everyone's genitalia off and changing the show to fit Middle-American values.

The result?

Horse Apples!!



Friday, May 05, 2006

You Don't Have To Be Crazy To Shop There, But His Prices Have A Lot Of Mental Problems That I Find Really Depressing

Good Furniture deals, hacked up teenage runaways in the basement, it's all the same thing really.

This guy creeps me the hell out. I'm not really sure if I should rush to his Cleveland store to try and save the kindergarten class he's got stuffed in a loveseat, or call a S.W.A.T. team and have them meet me there. Either way, I can't ever see shopping there.

Norton Furniture. His name's Mark, and you can count on it...

That's two posts in two days that mention Cleveland. Mere coincidence or sign of the apocolypse?


Thursday, May 04, 2006

Now That's Rock And/Or Roll

Here's an upcoming concert in the Bay Area;

June 25, 2006, 8PM

Nothing tells your aging, out-of-touch, suburbanite fans that you still know how to rock quite as well as playing somewhere named for a mattress wholesaler. What, was the Geritol-Dome booked that night? What about the CountryTime Lemonade Amphitheatre? Surely they can stay another night and play the Werther's Hard Candy Center.

Speaking of which, what's up with Cleveland's basketball arena? The Quicken Loans Center? I was willing to let it slide just naming arenas after corporations, but SPECIFIC PRODUCTS? What the hell's next? Will it be too long before we see the "New Dr. Pepper Black Cherries & Cream Center", or maybe the "KFC #2 Meal, Extra Crispy with Coleslaw and a Sprite Dome"?