Chemical Brothers - Get Yourself High

The response to last week's 'Muse' video was so great (zero comments), that I thought I'd throw y'all another Joseph Kahn video;

No Apologies...

Sure, other blogs may beg your forgiveness for putting up awful, treacly, syrupy goo like this, but not me! Choke on it!

Oh, and check out the crowd watching this and remember that the song is about porking in the afternoon, and is not very subtle...



Of course, the Channel 4 Newsteam's version is still better...

Muse - Knights of Cydonia

I know I'm ridiculously late to the game here, but I have to admit liking the new 'Muse' stuff quite a bit. This song's a wacky mish-mash of old Radiohead, Queen and Morricone. Perfect music to support a goofy, over the top Joseph Kahn video...

Chicken Noodle Soup, Bitches...

Special thanks to Aziz

How The Art Institute Is Ruining The World...

I was reading a post on a message board recently from a kid that wanted to get into standup comedy (actually that's inaccurate, but for the sake of this rant, let's say he was). What struck me as odd was how he was approaching it. He had noticed that a lot of comedians don't make very much and that stand up clubs also pay next to nothing unless you're an already famous headliner. So his first question out of the gate was how to 'make a good living' as a comedian.

While on the surface, this may seem like a pretty legitimate question, I think it speaks to an attitude that is ruining most of the art in this world. Unlike some people, I believe that comedy, and especially standup comedy, is an art form, and that no one should ever approach the idea of becoming an artist with the question, "Yeah, but how do I make money at it?". The great thing about all forms of art is that no one needs corporate permission to become a successful artist. You just do it, and if people like it, they pay you for it. Comedy does not require a massive influx of cash. It's you, on a stage, with a microphone that someone else has already paid for. There is no form of art less expensive to the artist.

So what does this have to do with the Art Institute? Well, the A.I. pretends to be able to teach artists how to be successful and poisons young minds with the idea that art is like any other discipline. That, like accounting, you just have to be taught how to do it and then people will hire you to do it. The only thing missing from this equation, however, is that most artforms,especially 'being funny', cannot be taught.

Imagine if a normal university taught accounting by only teaching you what a calculator looks like and how to get an accounting job, leaving out the actual 'accounting' altogether. These graduates would probably get hired because of their degree, but everyone would slowly realize that none of the accountants actually know anything about what they're doing other than how to convince people that they should be accountants.

Even though I'm not totally convinced I'm making any sense here, I'll continue on...

By selling impressionable young minds on the idea that you're 'equipping them' with all the tools they need to be a successful artist, you are in a sense, releasing people into the world of art confident enough to believe that they deserve to get paid for art they haven't even created yet. In other words, they feel entitled to money they may or may not ever deserve.

Standup comedy is a tough, tough thing to do, and people should only do it if they love it. A good test on whether or not you love it is if you'll do it for free. There is absolutely nothing worse than going to an open mike comedy night and watching people do standup who HATE what they're doing but are only there to try and land a sitcom so they can stop doing what you're investing your time watching them do.

Sorry if I'm all over the place here, but for some reason it annoys me that the A.I. has been so successful convincing people that art is like any other commercial venture, and that if you learn the 'rules' and work hard, you'll be as good at being an artist as a plumber or auto mechanic is once he graduates from trade school.

And before anyone brings it up, yes, I know, I went to art school. So?

There's Some New Sheriff In Town...

The incredible thing about this new video from brilliant Scratch VJ, TV Sheriff is the restrained and subtle use of the Chicago Bears' Super Bowl Shuffle (see if you can even spot it). For more brilliance, check out TV Sheriff.com and view tons more videos at EvilTV.

Predictions on a Mother fu**ing Blog...

What kind of internet presence would I be if I never mentioned Snakes on a Plane? Well now that the movie is actually being released this weekend, here are my predictions on what will happen with this movie;

It's going to be a dud. Everyone who was going to see it regardless (middle American teenagers who paid to watch 'Saw 2', Philipino gang members busy waiting for the next Fast & Furious sequel and a few hardcore Samuel Jackson fans who still walk around saying, "Look at the big brain on Brad!!""Check out the big brain on Brett!!") will go see it, but at this point, there's no way it's going to connect with either mainstream audiences OR the hipster crowd. Indeed, cool internet-savvy hipsters is the market that this movie is now custom-designed for, but boneheaded decisions by dumbass movie executives have destroyed this movie's potential almost entirely.

If this movie had come out 3 months ago, every message board lurking geek on the planet would've seen it and it would've made 300 million dollars, but if there's one thing true about internet hipsters, it's that they're fickle assholes with the attention span of a gnat on crank. Just ask Interpol, Snow Patrol, The Bravery or 50 other bands that could've sold out Madison Square Garden for a week a year ago but would now have to open for Tapes 'n Tapes.

In true Hollywood fashion, the boneheads behind this movie not only looked a gift horse in the mouth, but stopped feeding it for two months in an attempt to make the movie fit what the internet buzz was. In the end they're left with a dead horse that's been painted up with slogans that were funny 6 months ago. Do you really think that the average trustafarian pot-head is going to be appreciative of the fact that the movie was re-shot so that Samuel Jackson actually says, "We gotta get these motherfucking snakes off this motherfucking plane"? Of course not. The average internet geek has since discovered 'Yacht Rock', 'DarkPlace' and 50 different videos starring Darth Vader (just scroll down). My guess is that the decision to delay this movie probably cost about 50 million dollars a week in lost revenue.

In the end, Snakes on a Plane will be one of those annoying footnotes to pop culture history like 'Whoomp, there it is' and 'Who let the dogs out' that dipshit rednecks will still bring up as if it's still relevant five years from now. That pretty much kills any hope of it being a 'Rocky Horror'-style cult film as well.

Two more reasons I know it's gonna tank, TWO BOOKS about how it's a really big deal, before the movie has even come out.

Expect a final gross of around $50 million and nearly negative DVD sales.

Oh, and P.S. Great work on the soundtrack fellas. Fallout Boy? Panic in the Disco? Coheed and Cambria? Why not just title the album, "Why the mid-00s suck"?

UPDATE: From a smarter guy than me, James Adomian of L.A. on a message board I was reading recently;

"The Snakes on a Plane phenomenon resurrects my hatred of that old "deliberately-irrelevant-because-everything-is" postmodernist surrender narrative.

The only pleasure people will be getting from this movie will be in the vein of, "Oh, look how stupid and useless we all are to be spoonfed this mishmash of cliches by our hopelessly superior corporate overlords." That's not the kind of healthy ironic skepticism that might help fix this shithole of a world we live in: those are the last words of a civilization begging to be put out of its misery.

We now live in an Orwellian dystopia. Snakes on a Plane shows that many of our brightest minds -- potentially the braintrust of a resistance or a revolution -- can be broken too easily. Torture the intelligentsia? Why bother? They'll marginalize themselves if you put out a deliberately bad movie!"

Couldn't have put it better myself (and didn't)...

Sign Up For Our Humanities Classes on Science Fiction...

Included this semester; Evolution, the Holocaust and the Moon Landing, which ONE of these events actually happened?



I was reminded of this when I read that funny man Zach Galifianakis is performing at good old Appalachian State University this coming November 17th. If you're unfortunate enough to live close by, gather together the rest of the Joads into the covered wagon and go see him!!

The Day They Cancelled Manimal I Swore I'd Never Watch Television Again...

With YouTube down for the count, I guess now's as good a time as any to stop doing daily posts from it. No one likes a blog filled with blank white images, so let's hear it for slightly original material for the next little bit!!!

Uh...well.... uhh.....

Come back YouTube!!!

UPDATE: It's Back!! Let the effortless re-tread blogging continue!

Human Giant... Before Human Giant is Cool....

These guys will be big soon. Trust me, I know what the fuck I'm talkin' about...

Who Is This Cracker-ass Cracker?

Imagine what's going through Sonny Liston's head during this commercial...

GW Bizee in the Hizee...

I don't want to sound shallow, but if our president could actually beatbox like this, I'd consider him to be the best leader this country's ever had.

Big Deal, I've Had Jobs Worse Than This...

Oh BTW, if you're at work, you may want to turn the sound down. It sounds much dirtier than it is...

Sully, Remember When I Promised To Kill You Last... I LIED...

That's right, MORE DARTH VADER!!!!

Get Ready For Borat...

Please... you watch...

Last One Involving Darth Vader.. I Promise!!!

The Price Is RIGHT...

All Darth Vader, All The Time...

Why are all the funny comedy bits lately stuff that involves Darth Vader?