Back when I was a kid, Blogs were called 'imaginary friends' and were only slightly more pathetic.

Friday, November 19, 2004

We've Got A Long Way To Go, Man...

I know, I'm from the FUTURE!!

Well, here it is 2012 and I've just come back from the opening of the George W. Bush Presidential Library, a division of Halliburton Inc. Let me take off my patriotism powered jet-pack and I'll tell you all about it.

Ask yourself, what do you hate about libraries? Yeah, I know, it's all those goddamn books! Well that's what's so great about the Big W fun factory and pizza theatre. Aside from one tattered copy of 'My Pet Goat', there ain't a ding-dang book in the whole joint! What Bushie did that was brilliant was just have holograms of former staff members give you the 'gist' of various books and documents. Not only a brilliant idea but libraries now no longer discriminate against the 'non-elite' that now makes up 85% of the eligible voting population! He truly was a uniter and not a.. uh.. whatever the opposite of 'unite' is.

So after a wonderful morning of having various security memos and daily briefings read to me by the holo-Donald Rumsfeld (He sure trails off and says '...and blah, blah, blah' a lot), it was time for lunch. I have to admit I'm getting a little tired of eating nothing but beef, but making vegetarianism illegal in 2007 was the only way to save the farm industry, so what're you gonna do?

So now it's back to the learnin'. I guess at one time I would've thought it was weird to have a presidential library that's 90% negative information about everyone who ever stood in the President's way. "The Hall of Freedom-Haters" is now officially the longest structure in Texas and when you reach the end of it, you're actually in Odessa and have to take a tram back to the main building. That's ok though, the tram ride has an audio tape of Condaleeza Rice bloopers! From 'Bin Laden determined to attack' to the later and unfortunate 'We'll Nuke everybody', they're all here.

Once we got back to the main compound, I barely had time for the 'Laura Bush dream-kitchen of Tomorrow' and then a big steak dinner cooked by a hologram of GW himself. He brings it out on a platter in an army flightsuit!

Well, that's about it. I've got to get back to the salt mines. I wish that was just an expression like it used to be, but apparently that's the only '21st Century job' left.



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