We'll Make Ted Kennedy Pay, And If He Fights Back, I'll Say That He's Gay...

The puzzling thing about the gay marriage amendments voted on by 11 states last week is that in each and every one of those states, gay marriage didn't exist. So we've now reached a point where we can vote against things that aren't even real problems, only imaginary problems.

So, as a public service, here's some proposed amendments for next election:

1) Anti-Ghost of Elvis legislation

2) Defining marriage as 'not being between a lizard and a Volkswagen'

3) An amendment to stop regular superheroes from becoming 'bizarro' superheroes

4) Legislation prohibiting drinking fluids with your finger like Mork

5) No voting rights for mummies or Frankensteins

6) Judges may not cite 'voices from my gavel' in decisions

7) The anti-Kool Aid smashing through walls and terrorizing thirsty kids bill

8) The 'defense of alien anal probing' act

9) Make everything that's illegal now 'super illegal' to give it that extra level of protection from 'activist judges'

10) Finally pass the 'anti-CHUD' bill so we can all comfortably use the toilet again

That oughtta keep those darn hippie activist judges busy.