Not Quite The Kennedy Assassination, But....

Pull The Strings!! Pull The Strings!!

VH1 Classic (usually channel 3450 or so if you have digital cable) has a show that me and my wife have become addicted to called 'We Are The 80s'. Now without revealing too much about the sad way we spend our evenings and weekends, let's just say that we Tivo the hell out of this show and enjoy speeding through episodes trying to out-do each other in who knows more about '80s music and just leave it at that.

(Before I go any further, I should probably clarify that this show for the most part doesn't play the 'Rhino Records', fraternity-party douchebag '80s music, but instead opts for a lot of really obscure stuff. A lot of people claim to be experts in '80s music because they can identify Blondie or Wham pretty quickly, which impresses most people not at all. Name that video by 'Sigue Sigue Sputnik' or tell me two songs each by The Communards and Bronski Beat and I'll give you some props. Anyway, the point is that me and the wife aren't just proud of our New Wave music knowledge, we're downright smug about it.)

But to try and get back to the point, this show has certain 'quirks' that we've come to notice. At least once an episode, for quite a while, you could count on at least one song by either 'The J. Geils Band' or Peter Wolf. This was amusing at first, but after several weeks, it became quite clear; Things have gotten so bad for Peter Wolf that the only way he can keep his career alive is by getting a job programming some show no one watches on a cable station no one gets and plugging his own videos into it!! Say it ain't so!!

Giving further credence to this theory was what happened a few weeks ago. If our theory is correct, you would have to assume that Peter Wolf would go on vacation at some point. Well, right on cue, a couple of weeks ago we noticed that the J. Geils videos stopped, and in their place were videos from 'Flesh For Lulu'. And then, after a week or so, they suddenly resumed regular showings of 'Lights Out' and 'Love Stinks'. Coincidence? I think not.

So just to summarize, it is my contention that Peter Wolf (or perhaps a sychophantic Magic Dick) is in charge at VH1 Classic, and that Rocco Barker or "Del Boy" Greening from Flesh For Lulu is his underling in charge of loading tapes and stuff. Perhaps the next time Pete goes on vacation, they can hand the reigns over to Paul (N-n-n-nineteen) Hardcastle or Murray (One Night in Bangkok) Head.

Did I just blow your mind? How come the MSMedia isn't covering this? Where are this generation's Oliver Stones when you need them?