I Am Dangerous... Ice... Man....

Yeah, I know, what more could possibly be said about Tom Cruise? I just want to make sure that anyone who might still be on the fence about him, anyone who shrugs their shoulders and says, "But he was so good in 'All The Right Moves'", basically anyone who doesn't think this is the most humorless, misinformed, self-involved weasel in Hollywood gets set straight (pun intended, because, you see, he's actually gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just funny to watch him go to such lengths to hide it when all the kids downstairs know that Daddy's in his room masturbating to gay porn again).

Check out this practically-based joke pulled on Cruise the other day. In the spirit of Tom Green or 'Kicked in the Nuts', the interviewer sets off his microphone to squirt Tom in the face. Cruise's first reaction is what any normal person would have in this situation, to laugh. It surprised him, he's not injured and it's silly. But as soon as Tom gets his composure, he decides to berate this 'thetan-challenged' individual and try and find out why he ever thought this would be funny. "HOW DARE YOU squirt water on me!", he seems to indicate as he berates the evil prankster. "You're a jerk", he actually whines, meant I suppose to guilt the offending man into accepting Cruise's wacky alien-volcano religeon and swearing to Hubbard that he'll never pull another 'boner' again.

Someone really needs to knock Tom Cruise down a peg or twenty at this point. Left unchecked at his current rate he'll be collecting his urine in jars by the end of the year.