Back when I was a kid, Blogs were called 'imaginary friends' and were only slightly more pathetic.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Simply Awesome...

If even one shred of this story is true, then it's the most awesomest, bombshell fantabulous story EVER;

"Tom Cruise was supposedly caught in bed with Rob Thomas (the lead singer of Matchbox 20) by Rob Thomas's wife, Marisol. Rob Thomas is also a Scientologist. Obviously, nobody wanted this to get out, and Marisol was going nuts threatening to expose them. I think that she might be getting paid off, but to preempt any rumors about Tom, the Scientology people as well as Tom's PR people basically recruited Katie Holmes to play this part of Tom's super-excited girlfriend, and they are just paying her a b*ttload of money. I guess they also woo'd her with promises of what this would do for her career, since she's at best a B-lister."

I couldn't have dreamed up a better end to this story. Throwing godawful 'Bryan Adams ripoff' Rob Thomas into the mix is just PERFECT. Now all we need is some kind of John Travolta baby-eating story and a little something about how Jenna Elfman shot Kurt Cobain and Scientology will be dead forever!

Let this be a lesson to future L. Ron Hubbards of the world. Providing cover to closeted gay actors in order to abuse their star-power so you can scam gullible idiots out of their money may work for a little while, but eventually he's going to get caught with a second-rate Richard Marx's penis in his mouth and the whole thing's gonna come tumbling down.

Story courtesy of The Superficial, Title courtesy of Jeff, who honestly believes that those two words represent the highlight of Billy Ocean's career (I happen to agree).



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