Some Ideas For Randall Terry...
You all know Randall, that level-headed, fetus-chucking crusader who boldly stood up for Terri Shiavo and those evil Hollywood leftists who wanted to brutally murder her just because she had absolutely no neural activity in her brain for 15 years.
Well now that Shiavo's gone on to that big all-you-can-eat buffet in the sky, what is Randall Terry and his band of glossy-eyed misfits to do now? Aren't there other 'human beings' that need-a-savin'? Here's a few suggestions;
#1 - Dog Wearing Sunglasses. Look, we all heard the argument that Terri was still alive because she'd smile every once in awhile. Well this dog not only smiles, but put a pair of RayBans on him and he looks like he could drive a truck! This dog got heartworms and its family are thinking of 'putting it down'. Get that good for nothing Jeb Bush back on the phone and over to the vet for an all night vigil!!
#2 - Virgin Mary Cheese Sandwich. Now that this semi-famous sandwich has had its day in the public spotlight and was even sold on EBay, the owners are thinking of chucking it in the trash. Ahem, excuse me? Maybe you didn't notice that the Holy Mother is on it? You better unnaturally preserve that sum-bitch or Randall and co. will wake Jesse Jackson up!
#3 - Pope John Paul II. Apart from a total lack of brain activity and failure of all internal organs, there is NOTHING to indicate that the Pope is ready to go yet. Do you mean to tell me that we can put a man on the moon but we can't hook every single one of his organs up to a machine to crudely replicate that organ's function? Some of the finest puppeteers in the world live in Rome. Get them busy hooking cords up to the old Pontiff and he'll be back up smiling and waving in no time. With a little practice, you'll even be able to make him replicate his last speech to the square at the Vatican. Remember, the one about 3 days before his death when he said, "Hnnnnnmmmmmnnnnn......."?? Wake up that idiot Gee-Dubbya and get him into making more laws against the activist judges that declared the Pope 'dead'.
So there it is Randall, just a few pointers to the new direction you can take the smart folk ready to do your bidding. Who knows, if you really wanted to bring back to life things that have been declared dead, you could always try and mend the fences with your gay son and muslim daughter... Just a thought.