The New Pope Is a Naz(BONG!!!!!)......

"What'd he say? He said the new Pope is near. No dad-gammit-blammit. The New Pope is a Naz(BONG!!!)"

Well great. I'm glad that the voting Cardinals had the courage and foresight to realize that what this world needs is a gigantic step backwards. All that hooey about birth control and responsibly dealing with AIDS around the world is just flummery. P'Shaw!

Actually, as it turns out (according to third hand gossip from an actual Roman Catholic), the church did us a great favor by not making the Nigerian guy Pope. As it turns out, many Catholics believe that a black Pope will preside over the end of days (of course, that doesn't make the people who believe this racist or anything, right?). So the Cardinals let us know that we have at least as long as it takes for a 78-year old Nazi to drop dead before we have to worry about packing for the big escalator ride to the cloudy-wingy-bow n' arrow place.

If I may be serious for a minute, however. A FUCKING NAZI? What the motherfucking hell is wrong with you people? Are you trying to destroy your own religeon? Don't you understand that I have better things to do than wander the earth slapping a billion people in the mouth?