Attach The Stone Of Shame

Someone check his stool for Larry the Cable Guy.

It's pretty rare for a standup comic to do something on stage that he should regret for the rest of his/her life. Especially with most making fun of airline food and 7-11, there's usually little worry that something they say is going to come back and bite them in the ass.

Ralphie May, however, may go down as one of the dumber, more ill-informed people to ever grace the stage. Now don't get me wrong, I don't truly hate Ralphie. In fact, watching him try to lose weight on VH1's Celebrity Fit Club made me think much better of him as a human being. He seemed nice to his girlfriend, fairly level-headed and was easily funnier than the other idiots they assembled on that show (although Daniel Baldwin was hilarious in a 'junkie that kind find his vein' way).

Ralphie's true crime against humanity occurred when he was on the TV program 'Last Comic Standing'. His 'act', for lack of a better word, consisted primarily of ebonic references to South Central L.A. and his love of our President, George W. Bush. Now, while siding with the Preznit may not win you a spot opening for the likes of Cross, Oswalt or Garafalo, it certainly doesn't prohibit you from being funny. Colin Quinn, Nick DiPaolo, Jim Norton and others have shown that, even if I may think you're a closet-racist dickhead pandering to suburban New Jersey, you can still make people laugh.

Ralphie's problem was his ignorance. Don't go on stage (and then on a national television show) to do political comedy if you really don't have the slightest idea of what you're talking about. The zenith of his act was where he said that G.W. can go ahead and 'light 'em up' in Iraq as long as he gets his cheap gas. Who knows whether or not this short-sighted bone-headed statement resonated with potential voters or not. It's conceivable that there may have been several people watching who thought, "Hell yes. I want cheap gas. I also don't care much for foriegners. I'll vote for Preznit Bush so I can pay less at the pump.".

Well guess what Ralphie? You got your wish and your 'light em up' ya-hoo was re-elected. Any guesses as to what I paid for a gallon of gas yesterday?

$2.85

I only hope that you have some sense of regret for what you used your 15 minutes of fame for.