Back when I was a kid, Blogs were called 'imaginary friends' and were only slightly more pathetic.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Paving The Way For 'Oscar The Occasionally Moody Low Income Housing Dweller'

"Me Eat To Mask Severe Depression Caused By Me Unfulfilled Potential and Inability To Live Up To Beer Commercial Ideal Lifestyle"

Seems as though the folks at Sesame Street have got an awfully big head these days. Apparently, they believe that the rash of fat kids roaming the land has a lot less to do with their lazy, corpulent parents shoving Micky-Deez down their throats at every meal and more to do with the negative reinforcement of a googly-eyed 'monster' who happens to enjoy desert.

That's right, 'Cookie Monster' is being bled dry of any interesting qualities he may possess and will from now on be just like any other annoying hippie at the Berkeley Bowl. In addition to telling children that cookies are a 'sometimes snack' (because apparently their parents are too stupid or 'meth'ed up to do that themselves), I'm sure the newly named 'Muesli enthusiast' will also inform children of the benefits of macrobiotic produce and start hassling his fair trade grocer to get the Latvian fingerling potatoes because the Russian ones have been known to have pesticides.

Here's a couple more ideas for Sesame Street;

'Touch me in a non-invasive way if we both deem it appropriate Elmo'

'Large, genetically gifted but not different from you or me Bird'

'Unfortunately cursed undead son of Vlad the Impaler with OCD that causes him to count'

'Blue creature with self esteem issues and SuperEgo complex formerly named Grover'.

If you know of anyone who has a weight issue that they blame on the Cookie Monster, punch them in the face. This post has been brought to you by the letters 'F' and 'U'.



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