Back when I was a kid, Blogs were called 'imaginary friends' and were only slightly more pathetic.

Friday, October 08, 2004

Do The World A Favor And Kill Yourself #3

Time once again to dole out some hate to ordinary, everyday Americans who would make life better for everyone else if they hurled themselves off the bow of a Disney cruise.


No, really, anyone (Ok, military personnel excluded. Gotta support the troops!). If you have any desire whatsoever to own one of these gas-inhaling, 3 lane-wide, asshole-mobiles, than not only do you deserve to die, but we should also get to kill your parents for not buying you enough Tonka trucks when you were a kid.

In this exact time in history, when gas is $2.50 a gallon and moronic presidents whose dad's friends are all Saudi oil barons cause he's too big an asshole to have American friends so off we go to war to line all their pockets with fuckwads of cash, what possible legitimate reason does anyone have to drive around a truck thats only message is 'Go fuck your mother, I'm rich and can afford to fill this behemoth up'?

Unfortunately, unlike the Harley-ridin' shitbag featured in DTWAFAKY #1 (a very rare issue, I might add), you will probably not die behind the wheel of your silly-ass gangsta-tank. Therefore, I'm forced to hope that your cologne-stinkin', mullet-enhancin', jeep-for-assholes has been infected with Gulf War Syndrome, and that you will die alone in a V.A. Hospital next to a REAL soldier who makes you give him blowjobs to test if any feeling has returned below his waist.



Blogger Jeff blathered...

While we're at it, can we fuck those geriatric douchebags from The Who for selling their song "Happy Jack" to a Hummer commercial? What the fuck?! I know those guys are old, but all their music was from an alienated-outsider perspective. In fact, some people consider them *the* proto-punk band. How does that appeal to Hummer drivers? Is the band so hurting for cash that they would sell one of their songs to the most gluttonous of American products? (Maybe Pete needs it for therapy and lawyer fees.)

Shit. My first year of college I woke up to find my roommate sitting in the common room, smashing vinyl albums. After asking him what he was doing he informed me that they were all Cat Stevens albums. No, he didn't simply come to his senses. Apparently, he had just read that the new Islamic convert had publicly supported the fatwa calling for the death of Salman Rushdie. Although I can't understand his taste, I can definitely understand his anger. The guy who sang "Peace Train" was now calling for the murder of a writer.

So what's worse? A singer/songwriter losing his mind over religion, or an anti-establishment rock band selling Hummers? -Close call as far as I'm concerned.

Although I was never into Cat Stevens, I was a huge Who fan in high school. Was I outraged when Pete admitted he had gay tendencies? (In one of his solo songs he declares "Rough Boys, I wanna fight and kiss you.") Of course not. Was I outraged when he was named in a child-porn internet sting (which he was cleared and never charged on)? No. But shilling yourself out for Hummer? -Time to throw the cassettes into the fire.

7:29 PM

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