Back when I was a kid, Blogs were called 'imaginary friends' and were only slightly more pathetic.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Do the World a Favor and Kill Yourself #1

The first in a series of people who contribute nothing to humankind and withdraw more from society than they could ever hope to deposit.


We all live in a wonderful age where, thanks to advances in technology and mechanics, even fairly loud noises can be 'muffled' and 'contained'. These evolutional leaps forward are of little use to this particular asshole, however. In fact if he had the time, I'm sure he would love to visit every person in the city one-by-one, bring his muscled out Harley inside their apartment and crank it up until their ears bleed.

Unfortunately, I have this bizzare personality trait wherein I am aware of those around me. I, like a complete pussy, realize that as cool as I think my motorcycle is, and as much as I want everyone to know that I'm a badass motherfucker that won't conform to society's 'rules', I still think that other people's right to watch TV without having to pause it every 5 minutes and hold on to any fragile objects near shelves supercedes my right to unoriginally wave my cock around.

Did your parents really screw you up that much? Are you so starved for attention that you think if you quietly drive by and not fuck up our days and nights that the world is just going to forget that you exist? I might have considered cutting you some slack, thinking that was your only choice for transportation, but then you start doing laps in the parking lot just to be an asshole and make sure everyone in the zip code knows what loud noises you can make.

The only thing I enjoy about your existence is knowing that, statistically, you'll be dead or badly injured soon. That some soccer mom won't check her blind spot and you and your $20,000 worth of muffler-free madness will have to be scraped off the pavement and buried in a Glad bag. So enjoy yourself, Super Loud Biker Guy with Stereo Blasting, and keep an eye peeled out for broomsticks that might 'accidentally' get shoved into your front wheel as you ride by.

P.S. The picture is just some random guy stolen from the internet. So chances are he's not one of the people I'm specifically talking about. In fact, he's probably a really nice guy who wouldn't bother driving all across the country just to kick my ass...



Blogger Chester blathered...

Don't know where I got it, but I came across this on the Web, some time ago...

"How a Harley Works"

I took one apart once. What's strange is that the big thing on the side that looks like an air cleaner is actually a speaker. The throttle is connected to a volume knob, so when you punch it the noise gets louder. The bike doesn't go any faster under heavy throttle. The same electricity that powers the speaker powers a little electric motor that drives the bike. The battery is charged by the energy emanating from the differential between the size of the rider's ego and the size of his penis. I still don't know how a woman gets a Harley to go.

3:19 PM

Blogger MP3 Doctor blathered...

Hey there, you've got a great blog here! I'm thinking of bookmarking your site!

I have a electric bike site. It pretty much covers electric bike related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

6:12 PM

Anonymous Anonymous blathered...

Wow that's great. Thanks for the laugh!

8:25 PM

Blogger Derek blathered...

I'm gonna assume the person who wrote this is the kind of person who finds safety hiding behind his computer typing shit (not even talking shit) about "dick head bikers" and loud harleys in a blog because he doesnt have the balls to say this to any bikers face. A lot of things piss me off but i dont feel the need to write a nerd blog about it every single time...or EVER for that matter. get a life a fucking geek.

p.s. do the the world a favor and kill yourself

1:16 PM


Post a Comment

<< Home