You Had a Life, Now Tivo's Got It

"I received Tivo as a gift, and it's the greatest gift I've ever received. Greater even than the gift of LIFE!!" - Patton Oswalt.

Tivo's advertising slogan is, "You have a life, Tivo gets it.". That's all well and good, but I really think that it should come with some sort of warning that if you are a lazy, slovenly person who watches way too much TV to begin with, Tivo is like hooking up a heroin addict with a remote-controlled smack delivery system. Since acquiring this demon box, I'm now commited to watching Around the Horn, Pardon the Interruption, I, Max, Letterman, Conan, most reality shows, Alias, Lost, 24, Dinner for Five, Jeopardy, Simpsons reruns I've seen a million times, Aqua Teen and Sealab reruns I've seen 2 million times, Al Franken's radio show on Sundance, English Premier League highlights, Aussie Rules Football highlights, Sportscenter, Monty Python, The Prisoner, Arrested Development, lots of shit on the Trio network, and the Daily Show.

I feel better now that I have at least reached the acceptance stage. Listing all those shows was very cleansing, like a crackhead finally being able to see the damage done by all those harmless looking little white rocks. Do I really need to watch Sportscenter, the Horn, PTI and I, Max? That's 3 1/2 hours of daily television related to one day's sports topics! I could probably live without either Conan or Letterman as well, and I've got to stop watching the Simpsons. I know all there is to know about it already. It's starting to push out other information that I might actually need someday, like remembering how to steer a car or operate a drinking fountain.

Well I'm glad I could share my horrible, horrible addiction story. Learn from my mistakes and use your Tivo wisely or else suffer the same fate as me. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to find out what happens this week on Oscar DeLaHoya's reality boxing show...