Good Luck with Your Layoffs, Mariners. I Hope Your Firings Go Really Well.
What the hell's up with the Seattle Mariners? They run their franchise like 'Ini-tech' from the movie 'Office Space'.
I imagine that Bret Boone's 'assignment' went something like this;
BOB: Hey, remember that guy Brett Boone?
MARINERS OWNER: Who's he?
BOB: You know, big forearms guy, silly frosted tips.
MARINERS OWNER: Oh, yeah.
OTHER BOB: Yeah, we can't actually find a record of him being a current employee here.
BOB: I looked into it more deeply and I found that apparently what happened is that he was laid off five years ago and no one ever told him, but through some kind of glitch in the payroll department, he still gets $15 Million a season.
OTHER BOB: So we just went a ahead and fixed the glitch.
BILL LUMBERGH: Great.
MARINERS OWNER: So um, Bret Boone has been let go?
BOB: Well just a second there, professor. We uh, we fixed the *glitch*. So he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore, so it will just work itself out naturally.
OTHER BOB: We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem solved from your end.