The Beer is Much Stronger Down Under

First you should read this, and then this, without which I would be as mute as Harpo Marx after having his vocal chords removed by an angry Frank Sinatra.

Lord of The Rings has now officially become a 'cult'. There's nothing wrong with that per se, but its followers bring existing political opinions to the party, and some of them are quite scary.

Oh the horror! I've got no problem with Lord of The Rings, I liked the movies, "LIKED!". It was nice to see New Zealand get full props for the beautiful place it is, even if I'd of preferred that be kept a secret until after I could move there.

The books? Decent science fiction. Compared to most of the godawful dreck that the non-showering crowd proclaims brilliant, Tolkien's master work is certainly better than the million or so Anne McCaffrey clones out there trying to invent a new renaissance wherein walking around eating turkey legs is the finest virtue humans can achieve.

But now, John Q. Fanboy, you have crossed the line. You have taken a harmless fanboy fervor and twisted it into something evil. Australians fall into two categories, the friendliest blokes on the whole fucking planet and the most racist, troglodite rednecks to ever roam the earth. I fear that this 'What if?' piece throws this person into the latter group. The group that sucks down Four-X beers while swatting away sandflies, talking about how savage and unworthy the aboriginals are for having the nerve to cultivate a culture not based on Jesus.

Like all good fiction, Tolkein left his work open for interpretation, but please don't use it to justify your Mt. Isa-loving, Queensland racism. Try and accept the fact that, growing up in Brisbane or Townsville or whatever backward-ass 'Dundee' district, you may not be quite mentally eqipped enough to deal with the problem of racism around the world.