Memo to The O.C.

If I want gay porn, I'll rent it (again)

Dear Doug Lyman, Josh Schwartz and McG (If that is your real name),

What the hell was that last night? I'm sure you think that 'writing backwards' is terribly clever and once you came up with the 'Spiderman' idea that everything else just fell into place, but really, was that the best you could do with February sweeps coming to an end? Your bloodlust for instant gratification ratings points is killing your show, and at this rate it'll be deader than 'Ed' in 2 years.

Bill Simmons (who's a sports writer by the way) recently wrote this brilliant comparison of The O.C. and the first two seasons of Beverly Hills 90210. Basically, he comes to the same conclusions that anyone would, that you are blowing your load way too quick in the name of exciting cliffhangers and the requirement that something earth-shattering happen to a major character every single episode. This kind of impatience will only serve to weigh down the show to the point that it will cave in on itself in under 3 years. Eventually, all characters will be like the intolerable Ryan (Benjamin MacKenzie) and will have undergone so many huge story arcs that they will be unable to show any emotion at all and will just wander around delivering bad jokes.

So it seems obvious that Seth and Summer and Ryan and Marissa are all going to get back together by the end of the season. This accomplishes what exactly? You are then left with a program where all the relationships are back to square one but the characters are all infinitely more predictable. At that point, why not just say 'happily ever after' and end the show? At least 90210 knew how to stretch plots out, how to flesh in 'interesting' new characters and have those new characters behave in a way that completely distracted you from any mold that was accumulating on the regular cast.

You guys managed to almost get the formula right last season. Now knock off the 'in jokes' and non-stop hat tipping to comic book movies and get back to your job, creating a show that makes me embarrassed to watch.