Back when I was a kid, Blogs were called 'imaginary friends' and were only slightly more pathetic.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Time To Go Back To Bitch School

Mucho Props to Banana Yoshi-Norbizness

In the interest of a free and open exchange of ideas, as long as they're in quiz format and meant to paint me into some bullshit corner of my own making that causes me to break down and declare my love for all things Neocon, this unbelievably stink-ridden pile of shit published a little test for y'all:

No copying off of my paper, bitches!

1) Do you think a significant percentage of prominent Republicans would secretly like to see the US become a theocracy? I dunno, is 'prominent' a vague enough word to use in a question like this? What's the matter, were 'likely', 'possible' and 'hypothetical' all taken?

2) Do you believe it was a mistake to go to war in Afghanistan? Maybe. To acheive the stated goal? Perhaps. To pretend we've done much more than we have? Sadly, No!

3) In your opinion, is it a myth that American soldiers were spit on when they returned from Vietnam? (cheated from Norbiz) No, I saw Republican delegates at the 1972 convention spit on Ron Kovic.

4) Michael Moore's distribution group, Front Row Entertainment, received help marketing "Fahrenheit 9/11" in Lebanon from the terrorist group Hezbollah. Do you believe that was appropriate? No more so than companies run by Arab royalty pumping James Baker so full of cash that he'll say anything he's programmed to.

5) Do you think you can be a patriotic American and support Iraq's anti-occupation resistance? Yes, because they're completely unrelated. Do YOU think it was possible to love Germany and disagree with the invasion of Poland?

6) Do you think there is a significant chance that the capture of Saddam Hussein was timed to help George Bush politically? Yup.

7) In your opinion, is there a significant chance that Diebold is rigging elections in order to help the GOP? No, I would only believe that if the CEO had said that he would, which he did.

8) Is George Bush more "evil" than Saddam Hussein? Only in the way that I think that 'Lester' is more evil than 'Willie Tyler'.

9) In your opinion, is there a significant chance that Republicans rigged some of the Senate races in 2002? Sure, why not? I mean, what the fuck?

10) Was Ingrid Newkirk right when she said, "There is no rational basis for saying that a human being has special rights. A rat is a pig is a dog is a boy. They're all mammals"? Unless you can prove that they're not, then yes.

11) Is there any nation in the world that's more of a force for good than the United States? Well, Bjork's pretty hot, and I like Nicole Kidman and Colin Farrell.

12) In your opinion, is the US a "stingy" country? Only if you believe in things like statistics.

13) Is there a significant chance that America will become a fascist state in let's say the next 10 years? I really think that all depends on the results of this quiz.

14) Do you think there's a significant possibility that liberals will be rounded up and put into some sort of camps in let's say the next 10 years? Despite the shriekings of Michelle Malkin, no.

15) Is America an imperialist nation in your opinion? Yup.

16) Do you think "losing" in Vietnam was good for America? Obviously not. If it were, there wouldn't still be dickless losers like the 'Swift Boat Veterans' running around.

17) Are you sometimes ashamed to be an American? Oui, Oui, Oh God, Oui!!!

18) Do you think it's wrong for the President to put the welfare of Americans ahead of the welfare of people in other countries? What a strange assumption to make that he does.

19) Do you see significant, noteworthy, parallels between America and Nazi Germany? (Again I'll copy off Norbiz) Do you mean the interstate system and the gun control, or the violent reactions by a substantial part of populace if the fallibility of the leader is questioned?

20) In your opinion, was Iraq primarily a "war for oil"? No, there's much more financial gain than just the oil, at least for well connected folk that'll be present at the ball this 20th.

21) What about Afghanistan? Was that primarily a "war for oil" as well? Fuck you for assuming yes on 20, asshole.

22) Do you think it's likely a draft will be declared by the end of George Bush's term? Only if he cares about avoiding a total catastrophe, so, No.

23) Do you think Iraq was preordained and planned before 9/11 ever took place? Fairly well documented fucking yes.

24) In your opinion, is sleep deprivation a form of torture? You would have to time travel back to 1990 and ask me after 2 straight nights of doing enough mushrooms to kill a Giraffe.

25) Would you prefer that we lose in Iraq? No, mister cheerleader, I would prefer that we declare it a draw and get out. But I do understand your small-minded approach that 'winning is everything'. After all, if it's good enough for the Vince Lombardi motivational posters in your cube....

26) Do you believe anyone who goes to Afghanistan or Iraq as a soldier is fighting for an evil cause under an evil commander in chief? What an asshole question. You're an asshole. An Asshole who asks questions.

27) Was Michael Moore correct when he said, "There is no terrorist threat in this country. This is a lie?" Depends on how much you believe in our ability to stop anyone with a box-knife from entering this country. If you, like me, agree that you can't, then he's right, because there hasn't been another attack.

28) Is there in your opinion a significant chance that the Bush administration either was behind 9/11 or knew it was coming and allowed it to happened? How about a 3rd category; Had strong information that it was coming and was too preoccupied with doing the opposite of the previous administration to do anything about it.

29) Do you think there is a significant possibility that the Bush administration had a hand in Paul Wellstone's death? No.

30) Do you believe that somebody rigged the vote in Ohio during the 2004 Presidential election? You have to define 'rigged'. If by rigged you mean vote alteration and exaggeration, then yes. If by rigged, you mean supplying poor districts with far too few machines, then yes. And if by rigged, you mean providing it with machines that the CEO of Diebold said would be crooked and according to exit polls were, then YES.

31) In your opinion, do you think there is a significant chance that the Bush administration was behind the anthrax letters? No, but like the CIA leak that exposed Joe Wilson's wife, it's not exactly top on the President's list of shit to check into is it?

32) Had George Bush lost the election, do you believe there was a significant chance Republicans would have thrown a coup? No. Insulting.

33) Do you believe there's a significant chance that Karl Rove or someone else in the Bush administration had something to do with the last minute appearance of the Bin Laden tape right before the Nov. 2nd election? You bet your ass.

34) Do you believe comparisons of George Bush to Hitler are appropriate? Only in the parts where they're true.

35) Do you think Communism could work if the right people were running it? Like who? Reagan? Rush Limbaugh? Rupert Murdoch?

36) Do you believe that black Americans who support and vote Republican are betraying their race? It's as racist to ask that question as it is to appoint black Americans in power positions and then blame them for the administrations failures (i.e. Colin Powell and Alberto Gonzalez 2 years from now).

37) Do you think people who say Al-Qaeda doesn't exist are right? Uh...... No.

38) Are the insurgents in Iraq roughly comparable to Americans who fought against the British in your opinion? No, but they are rougly comparable to the US funded forces in Iraq that fought against Iran.

39) Do you believe Congresswoman Marcy Kaptur was correct when she said, "One could say that Osama bin Laden and these non-nation-state fighters with religious purpose are very similar to those kind of atypical revolutionaries that helped to cast off the British crown"? Yes, because one could say that, and she just did.

40) Do you believe there's a significant chance that the US Government knows where Bin Laden is and is deliberately allowing him to remain free? Yes.



Post a Comment

<< Home