Is This On? Can You Hear Me In The Back?

Who's he talking to? There's no one back there.

World's worst standup comedian Mr. Blackwell came out with his 'high-larious' Worst dressed list for 2004. Among the chestnuts:

Meryl Streep: Forget "Lemony Snicket" — Streep packs the fashion punch of Jiminy Cricket! In dowdy glasses and lumpy tents, Meryl is "A Series of Unfortunate Events!

(Pause for a change of shit-filled pants due to laughing fit during which I lost one of my kidneys)

Britney Spears: What’s left to say about the new Mrs. Federline? She’s a "clothes encounter of the catastrophic kind!"

(Use set of Miracle Blade III knives purchased while drunk 2 years ago to remove trachea in hopes that it will curtail further laughing fits)

Paris Hilton: Paris’s "designer" is obviously on vacation — this is one Hilton that should be closed for renovation!

(Rub entire container of Whole Foods imported sea salt onto self-inflicted tracheotomy wounds in hope that it stops the laughing for 5 minutes)

Lindsay Lohan: Over-hyped and under-dressed. What’s happened to Lindsay? When it comes to fashion she’s in a schizophrenic frenzy!

(Okay, this time I get a break because I'm not even sure this is supposed to be a joke)

Nicollette Sheridan: In barely-there bombs she’s a taste-free pain — Let’s crown her the Tacky Temptress of Wisteria Lane!

(Must....Gouge....Out....Eyes. If I read anything funnier my lungs will certainly fill with enough air to power a laugh so strong as to blow my head clean off it's neck and into the next zip code!)

Thank the Lord Jesus this list only comes out once a year.