Back when I was a kid, Blogs were called 'imaginary friends' and were only slightly more pathetic.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Is This On? Can You Hear Me In The Back?

Who's he talking to? There's no one back there.

World's worst standup comedian Mr. Blackwell came out with his 'high-larious' Worst dressed list for 2004. Among the chestnuts:

Meryl Streep: Forget "Lemony Snicket" — Streep packs the fashion punch of Jiminy Cricket! In dowdy glasses and lumpy tents, Meryl is "A Series of Unfortunate Events!

(Pause for a change of shit-filled pants due to laughing fit during which I lost one of my kidneys)

Britney Spears: What’s left to say about the new Mrs. Federline? She’s a "clothes encounter of the catastrophic kind!"

(Use set of Miracle Blade III knives purchased while drunk 2 years ago to remove trachea in hopes that it will curtail further laughing fits)

Paris Hilton: Paris’s "designer" is obviously on vacation — this is one Hilton that should be closed for renovation!

(Rub entire container of Whole Foods imported sea salt onto self-inflicted tracheotomy wounds in hope that it stops the laughing for 5 minutes)

Lindsay Lohan: Over-hyped and under-dressed. What’s happened to Lindsay? When it comes to fashion she’s in a schizophrenic frenzy!

(Okay, this time I get a break because I'm not even sure this is supposed to be a joke)

Nicollette Sheridan: In barely-there bombs she’s a taste-free pain — Let’s crown her the Tacky Temptress of Wisteria Lane!

(Must....Gouge....Out....Eyes. If I read anything funnier my lungs will certainly fill with enough air to power a laugh so strong as to blow my head clean off it's neck and into the next zip code!)

Thank the Lord Jesus this list only comes out once a year.



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