Snark! Whoot! LOL!!

UPDATE: Ignore the awful bitterness of this post. It's an act of the very geekiness I'm bitching about to complain about geekery. I can do better than this obvious 'rolling out of bed and smashing the keyboard' bullshit. My apologies.

I friggin' hate any and all internet abbreveations and 'in-jokes'. From 'ROFLMAO' to 'Wonk' to 'Blogosphere', you people that perpetuate this retarded nonsense are turning the internets into something with the cultural relevance of High Times magazine. At this rate, with just a few more geeky chat room shortcuts, the weblog community itself will be about as relevant as last month's 'Maui Wowee' centerfold.

What the hell is so difficult about talking (or writing) like a normal fucking human being? When you start creating gibberish words and phrases, you're no better than twins that talk to each other in a language they invented. It's childish, exclusionary and only serves to turn blogs into something that no one but asthmatics with butterfinger bits in their moustache read or do.

So do me a favor, if it's not too much trouble. Pretend you're writing a book, or at least a pamphlet. I'd much rather you took the time to write "I laughed until blood had soaked my underwear and was dripping down my leg" rather than the boring and nerdy "LMAO".

And finally, 'Snark'. Stop using it, period. Stop saying 'snark' and 'snarky' in place of EVERYTHING. If you're a sarcastic asshole, then own up to it. If you're a smartass, be fucking proud of it. If you're a goddamn jerk that gets a boner when you tear someone else's hard work apart, stand up and puff your chest out with pride. Whatever you do, stop hiding behind some 'cutesey' little bullshit word like 'snark'. I love everything the word represents, but I hate the word itself. It's a stupid crutch and it must be stopped.

I know, trying to take the geekiness out of the internet is like wishing more football players could do postgame interviews in Latin. I just had to try though.