Time For "The Association"

It's nearly here. And although this year I've got less to look forward to than I can remember in a long time, the National Basketball Association begins its season this week. The 'Super'Sonics are going to be 'super' awful and, apart from watching the Lakers become a mediocre also-ran thanks to the antics of one 'Rapey McfuckRape' (Aka Kobe Bryant), there's not going to be a whole lot of drama this year. But here's some predictions anyway;

Champion: Pistons. Completely boring pick, but they threw Antonio McDyess onto an already dominating brute squad. He's a slight trade up from Mehmet Okur, who always looked to me like Arvydas Sabonis on Vicodin.

MVP: Tim Duncan. Him and Garnett will slug it out again for this award. I give the edge to Duncan because I think his team will be better. The Spurs have a chip on their shoulder from last season and added the incredibly competent Brent Barry as a sixth man so I think they'll steamroll over the rest of the west.

Rookie of the Year: Ben Gordon, Bulls. Even though he looks like Charlie Murphy, I think Gordon will have the biggest impact of this year's crop. He'll get plenty of time, cause the Bulls got nothing else at the position and he's got a great outside shot.

Comback/Most Improved: Grant Hill, Orlando. He is supposedly so healed from his previous injury that he would have to injure it the exact same way he did 3 years ago. Given Hill's luck, I'd still put that at about 50/50.

Coach of the Year: Jerry Sloan, Utah. He should have walked away with this award last year, so I think they'll give it to him this year. He'll probably take a team whose only stars are AK-47, Carlos 'Guitarlos' Arroyo and my prediction for 'least improved', the man whose name goes with Utah worse than 'Jazz', Carlos Boozer. The fact that he guided them to anything but a 10-72 record last year is unbelievable.

Well I don't want to give away any of my fantasy picks for the upcoming draft tomorrow, so I'll just leave it at that. I'll just say, if you're in the draft, stay away from Dirk Nowitzki, I hear he's terrible.