The Amazingly Christian Race

As a public service to those of you suckers that leave the house and aren't held and tortured 'aboo-Gareff' style by your Tivo, heres everything you should know about what's happening on 'The Amazing Race';

This couple pictured above, Brandon and Nicole, are models and devout christians. They've been completely unable to go 2 minutes without mentioning 'the lord' or 'jesus' or 'the lord jesus'. From missing planes to getting a hangnail, nothing is too trivial for them to call upon the services of their 'concierge in the clouds'.

At one point in the game, they took what's called the 'fast forward'. It means they can skip a whole bunch of shit and just go straight to that episodes ending point. They were in India at the time and in order to jump ahead, they had to participate in some sort of ritual wherein you get all your hair cut off. They refused to do it, lost a bunch of time, but were saved by it not being a real elimination round. Once they were saved, they went on another gospel inspired 'thank you jesus' session, trying to break Kurt Warner's record for saying 'God' in 5 minutes of national television. This wouldn't be so annoying (I take that back. Of course it would.) if they didn't earn their living as MODELS. I believe that Vanity is still one of the seven deadly sins and I really, really hope that they get to the entrance of heaven and that it's explained to them in easy to understand language that they are FUCKING HYPOCRITES who embody everything the bible is supposed to be against. To these people, God is like some children's story character. "He's whoever you want him to be. If you need change for the bus, just pray, a good hair day, just pray, if you need to make money and friends off your looks because your personality sucks, what do you do?

Pray, of course. I'll continue to watch just to see how much they thank God when they get SARS from an infected monkey in the phillipenes...