Me No Come From No Monkey... Oook...Ooook...

I always knew Shriners were the missing link!

The very fact that there's an argument about Evolution vs. 'Intelligent Design' (the best marketing name change since they made Tab into Diet Coke) sort of tilts the argument in favor of evolution. After all, monkeys are the only 'lower' creatures smart enough to realize that their own shit makes for a good projectile, but unfortunately are still dumb enough to actually do it. And indeed, hurling feces makes about as much sense as most of the religeous right's arguments for 'magic pixie science class'.

Ten years ago I took a few religeous studies classes, got up to the midterm and dropped out, got drunk and played EA Sports NHL '94. So, needless to say, I consider myself an expert on these matters. That being said, I'll try and break this down into language lay-people can understand.

The word "theory" is very wide-reaching. After all, the 'theory of gravity' is considerably different from my 'theory that Nelson Mandela and Ken Berry of Mama's Family are the same person'. One of those theories has stood up against every possible negative proof that has ever been posited toward it (i.e. I can't fly), whereas the other theory only seemed credible after doing enough gravity bong hits to kill a small Jamaican village.

Look, I know that businesses like Starbucks and Burger King have convinced people that they can always get whatever they want and 'have it both ways' if they like. Triple bacon cheeseburger and a diet coke? Makes sense to them. Chocolate caramel fudge brownie latte with non-fat whipped cream? Of course. Good luck with your diet. There is one thing you can't have both ways, however. YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IN SCIENCE AND A MAGICAL SKY FAIRY THAT CREATED THE EARTH 5,000 YEARS AGO AT THE SAME TIME. No. You may not. Please take your business elsewhere. Sir, you forgot your backpack.

The theory of Intelligent Design is NOT an alternative to the theory of Evolution but rather an alternative to ALL science. It is philosophy, religeous studies, elaborate fiction, folklore, and to some (like me) high comedy, but never science. No science class in the history of mankind has started off with the words, "Hey, all this stuff that's going on around us is just too complicated, so it must be magic.". That's ID in a nutshell. "We ams too dumb to figure it out, so blame it on the big bearded guy in the sky." And people pushing this have the gilded gold balls to say that NOT teaching this will make kids ignorant?

Of course, I think that the religeons of the world have a vested interest in keeping people ignorant for their own selfish gains.

But that's just my theory.