Back when I was a kid, Blogs were called 'imaginary friends' and were only slightly more pathetic.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Fun With The Unconscious

Get me 2 cans of whipped cream and a polaroid camera. Stat!!

What's more fun than a sleeping person? Nothing, that's what. Whether it's writing 'fag' on their forehead backwards or posing with your penis out next to their mouth (or any one of a hundred other latently gay cries for help), the dead asleep or passed out drunk provide hours of enjoyment for kids and adults alike!

One of the most fun things to do with someone who's asleep is try and give them fucked up dreams. The easiest way to do this is to say strange things to them. Here's a list of things to say to your buddies as they enter r.e.m. sleep;

- Drop the Gun, Jesus!

- Hey everybody, Richard Nixon made ice cream!

- Ooooh, Sexy Frankenstein.

- I am Bike Cheese (courtesy Eugene Mirman)

- Osama Bin Roast beef? Not with that attitude.

And it goes on and on. Submit your favorites in the comments section.



Anonymous Anonymous blathered...

My erstwhile fallback: pick the most common name at the party, and while passing the sharpie over the victim's cheeks repeat the phrase "[xxx] did it...", AKA "Jeff did it"

My most embarrassing moment as the rube: waking up the next day, methodically scrubbing cocks, balls and onscenities from my face, arms, and legs for an hour, then going straight to the living room to chat with Mike's mom, putting my feet up on the table and being told my two foot soles spelled out "Eat Cunt"

7:04 AM

Blogger Scaramouche blathered...

Once when I lived in Brussels there was fellow, from the Isle of Man, who passed out from too much to drink. So in compassion I picked him up and put him on the couched, whence I got some friends to use make-up and paint him like a 'whore'.

After a few hours, we woke him and took the handsome devil, looking like a young Peter O'Toole in manner and speech, to a local pub. Damn if he didn't still get picked up by a cute Spanish girl, make up and all...

True Story!

4:18 PM

Blogger MB blathered...

Easy one: take the victim's middle name, put it in front of the name of the street they live on and VOILA! You have their porn name. Now, just repeat it to them over and over as they snore....

This idea courtesy of my friend AC. (Who loved my porn name so much he referred to me as Ross Douglas for wayyy too long.)

12:48 AM

Blogger Drew blathered...

I've heard the middle name thing before, but always as 'street you were born on'. It was always strange being 'Martin 25th Street'.

But if I use your idea of current street of residence, I now become MARTIN INTERNATIONAL, porn star of continental intrigue. I can live with that.

5:35 PM

Blogger Kurt blathered...

Comments to the unconscious:
Too many band-aids in the oatmeal!

One fist, two men, three hours of passion!

Uh oh! The unicorn is hemmoraging.

It's only genital mutilation if it's less attractive afterward.

11:35 PM


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