Back when I was a kid, Blogs were called 'imaginary friends' and were only slightly more pathetic.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

...On Fruitcake and The Existence of God

Ah, Public Transportation. Where else can you sit next to someone, be completely convinced that they're having a cellphone conversation, and then slowly realize that they're completely fucking nuts?

This morning on the rolling despair machine known as AC Transit bus #82, a man seated next to me started talking. Now his cadence made me think there was someone answering him. He'd say a few things, listen for awhile and then respond. Only after about 5 minutes, and starting to pay attention to the things he was saying did I realize that the only person responding to him was the slightly less crazy guy living in his head slowly feasting on his brain.

Here is something close to an exact transcript of what he said;


"That sure is right."

"Those Ay-Rabs at 7-11 should stop selling fruitcake."

"I said those Ay-Rabs at 7-11 should stop selling fruitcake. It's nuts enough without the

"Yeah, the Ay-Rabs."

"You know a snake's got a tongue that looks like two fingers. Two fingered snake tongue."

"Reminds me of those bastards at 7-11."

Unfortunately at that point he had to get off the bus. No doubt to hit the local 7-11 for some delicious fruitcake served up by the middle eastern snake gentlemen that work there.

And they said it was a bad idea to shut down half the mental hospitals and turn them loose on the streets? Hogwash! Imagine what a crashing bore our city's public transportation systems would be without 'em.



Blogger Kurt blathered...

"Two fingered snake tongue."

Don't know why, but that had me laughing.

I had a similar thing happen with a crazy person about six or seven years ago except I knew right off the bat that they were nuts. I was out driving around with a few friends when we saw a guy on the corner of a desolate street waiting at the crosswalk for the little man to tell him he could cross (either the little man on the sign across the street or the "little man" inside his head that keeps telling him he deserved to have his father touch him that way). When the light changed so we could continue forward, his light changed as well and he turned behind him and with a huge motion, silently told the entire army of invisible, awesome crazy people behind him to follow him.

I can still vividly see this in my head and to this day it still gives me a raging erection.

11:47 PM

Blogger Scaramouche blathered...

You know, I've noticed that there are quit a few people who talk to themselves out loud. That's why I am a leading proponent of recycling pre-owned cell phones to this disadvantaged group.

Our mission is to assist these people to blend in by using cell phones so that look like all the other users of cell phones, crazy, or not.*

So donate those old phones directly; in a pinch, give away the headset!

*Of course, this is only a short term, cosmetic remedy.

6:04 PM


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