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Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Midget Tossing

Just watching the Olympics and I have to ask. Why are there weight classifications in boxing, wrestling and weight lifting but not in any other sport?

It doesn't make any sense to me at all. There aren't 'height classifications' in basketball, or 'strength classifications' in football. Have I missed the 5'5" and shorter basketball league?

There was just some guy doing weightlifting from Turkey that's 4'11". Four Foot Eleven! That this guy can clear an empty bar over is head is something to see, but the world shouldn't be giving him a gold medal for it. I'm all for equal rights and blah blah blah, but seeing midgets do the clean and jerk is just silly, because you know that there are people 4 times their size who could clean and jerk that same midget right out of the building.

Guess what midgets... There's shit you can't do! Actually, I should rephrase that. You can do anything, but if you have to have special divisions to win, you're not the best! I myself am 6 1/2 feet tall, and I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll never be a jockey, never race sportscars and never be an astronaut. I'm not running around insisting that they make a 'large man horseracing league' for big guys to race clydesdales. That would just be stupid.

Now before you get your brow all furrowed and start shaking your fist at the screen, remember, this isn't the special Olympics, it's the Olympics Olympics. If it's unfair to discriminate against some Ecuadorian boxer just because he's 5'2" and 105 pounds, than it's equally unfair to discriminate against his cleft-palleted mongoloid brother who thinks monsters live in his sippy cup. Where's his division?

Another built in advantage to getting rid of this nonsense is that it would stop people from using phrases like 'pound for pound he's the best fighter in the world'. That's just another way of saying, "A much larger man would beat the living shit out of him, but provided he's in the ring with another dwarf, he's great". You know, inch for inch, the Philippines are the best basketball players in the world, but put them up against Kevin Garnett and he'll beat those Pinoys down like Bing Crosby at a family reunion.

If you're going to have a sport, have a sport. I have no problem having mens and womens versions of each sport, but that's where the seperation should end. If I'm going to generate a slight amount of interest for your sport, I want to know one question. Who is the best? That's it! All the other variables you could possibly throw in there just turn it into 'everybody gets a medal day'.



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