Travelogue Season Finale

If you're just joining us, so far me and the mrs. have learned a lot during our trip to Baja, Mexico. Turns out we don't like most other people, especially dickwads from Temecula that fly down there in their Cessna to fish and boast at the bar. Also, wedding food can be tricky, and while hot dogs are great if you're walking down a street in New York and don't have time to wait for a slice of pizza to cook, they don't exactly scream 'matrimony'.

Ok, come to think of it, we didn't learn anything we didn't already know. And speaking of 'not learning', that brings us to Monday. Wedding's over, most relatives took off, all the douchebag fishermen went back to their Arizona/San Bernardino hellholes and now it's just me and the swim-up bar, mano y mano. Time to show Mexico what U.S. livers are made of.

It all starts off innocently enough at lunch. We hit Las Casitas, owned by the guy who planned our wedding, and enjoy one of their comedy-sized Mango Daquaris. A delicious way to poison vitamin C. Next comes about 4 or 5 hours of sitting in the pool, occasionally floating around, but mostly pounding beers and watching Mexican television. 9 or 10 Dos Equis' later and it's time for dinner. Dinner brings margaritas. They are big and they are strong, so I only get two. Back to poolside, the playing cards come out and I'm able to get another 2 or 3 beers before the bar closes at 10 (it's a monday night and it's sort of an 'old people's' hotel anyway).

Yes, I threw up. To steal a line from Brian Posehn, I puked like a sorority pledge, and by that I mean I called a girl a 'cunt' and vomited on my dress. It's been a long damn time, but I managed to give it all back over the course of the evening. The amazing thing is that I've become so delusional about my incredible ability to hold my liquor that for a while I had convinced myself that I had food poisoning. Once I had a chance to fully recollect just how much I'd abused myself and realized that my wife had eaten all the same stuff I had and wasn't sick, I realized that it was just my own foolish love of the words "una mas" that had done me in.

Anyway, the next day was back down to Loreto, checked into a hotel with english language TV (the 'American TV' network is quite hilarious. Mostly Judge Judy reruns and 20 minutes of headache-inducing montage style commercials for other shows every hour), got some surprisingly good pasta carbonara at the hotel restaurant, and then it was back to the Estados Unidos the next morning.

We both agreed that it'll probably be awhile before we go back to baja. Not that it wasn't really nice and doesn't have incredible food. Just that there's not a whole lot to it and we've seen it and seen it at this point. I'm really curious to check out mainland Mexico and get a taste for the 'real' country and not just the convenient retiring spot for people from Orange County.