New Year's Humbug

2004 Can suck it.

New Year's is always a let down. Ever since I realized that all the cool shit goes down in Manchester and London and Rio and Buenos Aires and that I usually don't have; a) a fuckwad of disposable money and b) a massive amount of time and ecstacy, it's always been the 'ho-hummest' of holidays.

It's also Amateur night at the Apollo as far as people getting drunk. Real alcoholics like myself dread the idea of hanging out at some bar with a whole bunch of secretaries that are wasted on Blue hawaiians and Margaritas, and on New Year's, that's all you get. Take your TGI-Fridays platter of tater-skins and go right back to the awful suburban condo you crawled out of you horrid zombie drones. And then there's the salespeople, desperately trying to drown out another year of selling their soul down the river by engaging in an all night attempt to recreate that time in the frathouse when they were so drunk that eating a maraschino cherry out of their friend's asshole seemed like a good idea. Just look around on January 31st, he's every other guy you see.

So here's to a shitty year coming to a shitty end. I guess we'll see if we as a culture have bottomed out or if it's possible to continue the slide we're currently witnessing into a muck-filled cesspool of retarded awfulness.

Merry New Year. Back with something more positive after Bob in accounting's vomit is cleaned off the street.