Thursday Racist Mexican Postage Stamp Blogging
Back when I was a kid, Blogs were called 'imaginary friends' and were only slightly more pathetic.
If even one shred of this story is true, then it's the most awesomest, bombshell fantabulous story EVER;
"Tom Cruise was supposedly caught in bed with Rob Thomas (the lead singer of Matchbox 20) by Rob Thomas's wife, Marisol. Rob Thomas is also a Scientologist. Obviously, nobody wanted this to get out, and Marisol was going nuts threatening to expose them. I think that she might be getting paid off, but to preempt any rumors about Tom, the Scientology people as well as Tom's PR people basically recruited Katie Holmes to play this part of Tom's super-excited girlfriend, and they are just paying her a b*ttload of money. I guess they also woo'd her with promises of what this would do for her career, since she's at best a B-lister."
Menudo?! But there's Tripe in that too!!
I just spent an hour working on today's post only to have it wiped out when Firefox crashed.
Always making the scene in Tux and Tails, the very picture of high class. Ok, fine, usually half an hour late having forgotten to wear pants, Barrespondent Drew wanders around in search of more aimless drunkitude.
Hey Look, That Guy I've Never Heard Of Just Hit A Home Run Off Of Some Guy I'll Never Hear About Again!
If even a small part of anyone reading this holds any form of intolerance towards gay people, please take this weekend to ask yourself 'why?'. What is it that homosexuality does to you that makes you so uncomfortable? Do you really believe that the whole institution of marriage will collapse if a man or woman is allowed to visit the person they've decided to spend the rest of their life with in the hospital? No, really? Really??
As absolute power continues to gnaw away and erode any sense of right or wrong that may have once existed in their brains, the Republican power machine continues its steady descent from villiany to cartoonish super villiany.
Yeah, I know, what more could possibly be said about Tom Cruise? I just want to make sure that anyone who might still be on the fence about him, anyone who shrugs their shoulders and says, "But he was so good in 'All The Right Moves'", basically anyone who doesn't think this is the most humorless, misinformed, self-involved weasel in Hollywood gets set straight (pun intended, because, you see, he's actually gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just funny to watch him go to such lengths to hide it when all the kids downstairs know that Daddy's in his room masturbating to gay porn again).
They mis-spelled 'Bidet', but once Timmy's ass is cleaned up, he won't care.
In 1864, at the height of the Civil War, Andersonville Prison had more people die per day in it than there are people who read this site!
Put down that guide on how to make wine in prison! Barrespondent Drew has some slightly better ideas on how to get yer buzz on. And none of his involve moldy bread and an old sock.
Rasheed Wallace is a dick. Having said that, I think Wallace has great game, and the thing that bothers me most about him is imagining what an incredible player he would be if he removed his head from his ass long enough not to be a negative influence on his team and instead focused on what his job is supposed to be, to play friggin' basketball.
According to Bill Frist, this is a picture of Stevie Wonder 'obviously responding to visual stimuli'
Just a few things that caught my eye and/or made me laugh/cry/lose control of my bowels;
I remember way, way back in the day seeing a film titled 'Suffering Bastards'. It was basically a student film, but a student film with an incredibly large budget. First of all it was feature length (very unusual at NYU), second of all it had Eric Bogosian, Gina Gershon and John C. McGinley in it (and they were all names at this point, so it wasn't like this movie 'discovered' them). Third of all it was totally and completely awful. One of the worst things I've ever had the displeasure to watch, actually.
King Mswati III of Swaziland is a P-I-M-P Pimp! Dude just married his 12th wife (Miss Teen Swaziland) not even two weeks after marrying his 11th!!
Transcribing drunken gibberish into drunken bar review column for nearly ten months now, barrespondent Drew sets you up with another dank booze-hole to kill some time and/or brain cells within.
Do They Not Have Men's Departments in Spain?
Ahahahahaha!! I get it! Minus ten points for not including the words, 'mass graves' however.
'Ain't it fun to watch Hannity and Coulter and Gingrich and Hume and all the other hate-filled sociopaths flail about and try to take Dean down? You've seen Dean's arms? Big, thick sons of bitches. He can bear it. And he can throw it back at them. As long as those behind him don't put him in handcuffs.'
Have you ever had someone send you something and you're first reaction is anger? Anger that this could have existed without your knowledge for so long?
If you're just joining us, so far me and the mrs. have learned a lot during our trip to Baja, Mexico. Turns out we don't like most other people, especially dickwads from Temecula that fly down there in their Cessna to fish and boast at the bar. Also, wedding food can be tricky, and while hot dogs are great if you're walking down a street in New York and don't have time to wait for a slice of pizza to cook, they don't exactly scream 'matrimony'.
Right around the end of May sweeps, television unbuckles its belt, pulls away from the dining table and lets out a loud, stinky fart that usually lasts until October. Let's crane our nostrils skyward and sniff, sniff, sniff!
If you're one of the 'fingers-crossed, lottery playin' members of the republican party (you know the ones I mean. People who don't want to tax the very rich cuz-n' they may be rich real soon if their numbers come up next Wednesday or Saturday), then take a look at this statistic:
Meanwhile, the top 0.1% (in other words, the top thousandth of all taxpayers, 145,000 in all) reap an astonishing 15% of the Bush tax cuts. These people all earn at least $1.6 million a year.
From Absinthes to Zombies (BTW, never order an Absinthe Zombie), a weekly guide to what's what in the San Francisco bar scene. As usual, barrespondent Drew tries to make it sound like he's always out at the classy joints and not really at home checking the toilet tank for that emergency can of Schmidt's he remembers hiding.
Best of was easy this week, cause my lazy ass only did one post. And even though it was my only (and you would think really well thought out) post, I managed to make myself look foolish by calling out a certain 'S. O'Neal'...
There's always an element of risk when you have a wedding in Mexico. 'Si Senor' is just the spanish equivalent of Jamaica's 'no problem', meaning that upon hearing it there's about a 40-60 chance that what has been agreed upon and guaranteed will even come close to happening.
Everyone got their tickets for the upcoming Roskilde Festival in Denmark? It's your last chance to get trampled by Danes until July's Midtfyn Fest. That's ok, I can't make it either.